This blog will probably ruffle some feathers. I avoid social media as much as I can. I deleted my meta profiles this past fall. And then found I had to open a dummy account so I could find karaoke in my small rural town in Maryland. But that’s a separate blog to come.
And make no mistake. LinkedIn IS social media.
It has its own personality. Its own flavor. Its own purpose. And I have avoided it like the plague.
The posts I see on LinkedIn are people trying to build their brand, build their business, stay on top of their visibility so they can find a new job.
That’s actually not why I’m here. I am starting grad school soon. At the age of 54. I want to connect with my professors and fellow students in a more professional way. Will this be a colossal failure? Maybe.
A recurrent theme showing up in my feed is a LOT … a LOT of people complaining about the toxic workplace. And looking for that unicorn workplace that is so rare.
Where you are paid what you are worth.
Where you feel appreciated.
Where you can be inspired and inspiring.
Where you can be creative (if you are creative).
Where you feel like you are contributing.
Oops here’s a sticky one … where you feel validated (Hint, that’s not your boss or your co-worker’s job).
I see too many posts about people not feeling the things they think they should be feeling and getting the things they think they should be getting from their workplace.
Unfortunately, at least in America, our jobs have come to equal:
Our worth.
Our identity.
And when you are putting in more time at the office with your co-workers than you do with your family, it’s no wonder.
Work-life-balance. The ultimate unicorn.
I have a co-worker who gave me sweary post-it notes for my birthday almost a year ago. There’s one that I have taped to my laptop keyboard (and pictured).
It originally said “Might fuck around and change the world today.”
I took a black sharpie and marked out “the world” and wrote in “myself”.
That was a hard lesson to learn. And I might blog about it one day. The text conversation with a sibling that started an argument that ended with us (still) not speaking.
Because it’s not up to any of us to change the world. We change ourselves.
My current teacher (one of them), one of the first lessons she taught me is when emotions are there, breathe out. There’s a pattern present. Stop. Breathe. Notice it. Respond. Don’t react.
I get to practice this A LOT at work.
She taught me that if people are triggering you (and I used to get triggered a lot at work), that they are a mirror, a lesson that you need to learn. Something you need to heal.
Which made me think a lot about the toxic workplace. If you haven’t read Gabor Maté’s The Myth of Normal, I highly recommend it and will include a reading list when I get this website up and running.
The fact that I’m posting this without a logo, without a design, without the website being done and “perfect” is intentional. I’ll get to that later.
If you are trying to leave a toxic work situation, and you haven’t done “the work,” be prepared to encounter these situations again. If you don’t heal it, you will repeat it.
It has taken years and a lot of hard inner work for me to look in the mirror. Why is this situation bothering me so much that I am trying to run away from it? And am I running? Does this feel like I need to escape? Why am I giving this person, this place, this situation so much power?
What is it that I need to change about myself that will make this a little easier, a little better? More do-able for the foreseen future? Sometimes the answer is, yes, to leave and find a new situation. But sometimes the answer is look in the mirror first.
In a 6 month period I have gone from being really unhappy at work to feeling invigorated, feeling creative, feeling like all things are possible. Even with the roadblocks.
The only thing that changed was me. Once I realized I have power over absolutely nothing except myself and (hold onto your seats) released the need to control. (Ouch)
And it’s a practice. That’s the whole point. None of us is perfect. I don’t claim to have all , or even half, of the answers. Some days I fly. Some days I fall. Some days I break. But then the next day I put the pieces back together. Perfection is an illusion that so many of us spend a lot of energy chasing.
The website will come later if the words keep flowing. As will the logo. Those things are actually not the point.
The point. You have to validate you. If you are waiting for your boss, your company, your co-workers and anyone other than YOU to give you what you need, you are looking in the wrong place.
Look in the mirror first.
More to come. Maybe.
Find your joy. Find your peace. You might be surprised when you don’t find it in the Want Ads.
It's a Practice 